


I'm Not Gay

by smellslikecitrus



Series: Hamilton Memes [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: "I'm not gay", Funny, Gen, M/M, Meme, One Shot, Swearing, based on a youtube video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smellslikecitrus/pseuds/smellslikecitrus
Summary: John Laurens is totally gay. This is how he tells his coming out story to Alex....in sONG FORM!Literally just the song "I'm Not Gay," by J Pee





	I'm Not Gay

Alex was wondering how John had come out to the group. John decided to show him… IN SONG FORM!

“J Lau, baby, yup, yup! Yeah you know what it is! Check this shit out, man. Check it out, check it out. Check it out, yeah!” John started by warming up the group with his signature “what time is it?!” theme.

Then, he started: “chillin’ with my homies at the Home Depot.”

Herc and Laf, who were there at the time, chimed in as backup, “Home Depot!”

John continued, Alex staring at all three of them in awe, “buyin’ screws and nails, manly shit you know?”

Herc and Laf, “You know?”

“My homie says to me, ‘what kind of drill you want?’”

Lafayette giggled as they said “he asked me.”

“So I said I wanted one right in the ass.” There was a brief silence after John said this. John looked at Alex's stunned expression and smirked, before revealing he had tried to play it off:

“What? ...I'm not gay! I'm not gay, it was a joke, guys, come on! I'm not gay! I like vag more than a pornstar scandal, but can I have the drill with the bright pink handle?”

At this, the other three couldn't handle it and broke out into laughter. John sighed and started into the story again.

“Playin’ tackle football with my homies in the park. Had to wrap it up cause it was gettin’ dark.”

This time, Alex joined in with Herc and Laf, “gettin’ dark!”

“The other team was looking straight scary as shit.”

“Ooooo,” they egged John on. 

“But my quarterback, he ain't having none of it.”

Laf said with a knowing smile, “he ain't scared.”

“He looked at me and told me no matter where I was at, my priority job was to protect the sack.”

Alex had an idea of where this was going, “okay?”

“So fourth down, be bends over and yells, ‘hike!’ So I went and grabbed his balls!”

This time, there was no silence, just laughter. 

John wiped his eyes and went on with the show. 

“Uhhh…

“I'm not gay! I'm not gay, I'm just doing my job, step off! I'm not gay! It's not like I was purposefully tryin’ to feel them, (I wasn't), I just care about the safety of your future children! (Godfather!)” When Herc, Laf, and Alex all called out “Godfather” at the same time without planning it, all four of them looked at each other with amazement. Great minds think alike. 

John resumed with his song, “I’m not gay, I'm not gay! Quit telling me that, man! I'm not gay. Next time I'll just let your balls get mangled, son! P.S. I didn't know that you were so well hung. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).” the others could practically hear the Lenny face in his voice. 

“Strollin' with my homies in West Hollywood.”

“Hollywood!”

“Wasn't my idea because I'm not gay!” John chuckled at this one. It was totally his idea. 

“Dude walks by me with his shirt off, and I was like, ‘damn bitch, you fine!’”

Alex gasped in recognition, _John was talking about him!_ That had been the first thing John had yelled at him that morning when he walked by, on a business trip for Washington, and ironically, going to a cafe to meet up with Lafayette. 

John winked at him and kept going, “...Fuck.”

He started with the refrain again, “I'm not gay guys! That ain't me! I'm just comfortable with my sexuality. So I can admit when I see a guy, who has a handsome face, and pretty eyes, and a rock hard chest, and rippling abs, and the tightest ass, and those sculpted calves, and those bulging quads, and the perfect bod, and OHH MY GOD, TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF!”

Lafayette couldn't take it. They guffawed hard, giving Herc a silly face. 

“Um…” John paused. 

“Fuck it!” John yelled, startling the group. 

“I'm gay! I'm fucking gay, I'm the dude wearing nail polish yelling ‘hey~!’” Alex snorted. That was actually John. 

“I'm the dude at the party who'll grab your butt, (that's me), and when you turn around and look at me, I'll be like, ‘what?’” Alex mouthed “help me” toward Herc and Laf but they were in the groove and didn't notice. 

“Yeah! I'm gay (I'm gay) I'm hella gay!  
I watch Zac Efron movies every Saturday.” At this, Alex turned around at his other two friends and nodded his head frantically. This, they noticed.

“And normal self expression doesn't suit me either. That's why my degree is in ~musical theater~!”

Alex burst out laughing, bent over to clutch his stomach. He was so in love with this man. 

“I'm so gay man…” John finished. 

“Yeah we know,” smiled Lafayette. 

Their squad was so awesome.

**Author's Note:**

> Lol I'm back
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you have any requests for me, please do not hesitate to comment!


End file.
